BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL
“This Is How a Man is Happy”
by Pastor Delbert Young
Life Gate Ministries
www.lifegatechurch.com
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Today is Father’s Day. It is
the day that we set apart to honor and remember our fathers.
We all had a biological father, but I pray that you actually
had someone who fathered you. A father is not that easy
to come by. My Father was a gentle loving man –a high Ox
temperament for those of you who know what I am talking about.
He loved my mother and he loved my sister and me. It is great
to be blessed with a father. If your father is alive, make
certain that you visit or at least give him a call today. Even
if he was more of a sire than a father, your properly honoring
him is as much for your wellbeing and peace as it is for him.
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We knew we would be in our
series that we have titled BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL on
Father’s Day, so we arranged the lessons so that we would be
talking about the man of the house today. I have a question
for you. WHAT ACTUALLY MAKES A FATHER? Jesus said you can know
a tree by its fruit (Mat 7:19). MALES CAN PRODUCE CHILDREN,
BUT WHAT DOES A FATHER PRODUCE?
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I shared about my experience
in Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. Something continually took place
that I could not ignore. No less than five times in about
fifteen minutes, I observed men actually gently and lovingly
taking care of the children. I watched them putting the
children in the shopping carts, carrying them in the baby
carriers, holding their hands shopping, etc. I watched men
actually becoming fathers. Over the past six years, I have
gotten to sit back and watch my son-in-law becoming a
wonderful father to his son. I sit in awe as I watch my son
every day becoming a wonderful father to his son. It is a joy
to watch. I get to watch some of you young dads in our
congregation lovingly care for your children. My point is that
something wonderful is happening in our society. MEN ARE
BECOMING FATHERS AND BECAUSE OF THAT, HOUSES ARE BECOMING
HOMES.
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Psalms 128:1-6
Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that WALKETH IN
HIS WAYS. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands:
HAPPY SHALT THOU BE, and it shall be well with thee. Thy
wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house:
thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
BEHOLD, THAT THUS SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED that feareth
the LORD. THE LORD SHALL BLESS THEE out of Zion: and
thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon
Israel.
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Verse 1 speaks of the people
that WALK IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD. They are HAPPY.
Their home is blessed and FRUITFUL. This is in
contrast to the people we read about in Hosea 4:6 who are
destroyed because they ignore the ways of their God.
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[Hosea 4:6] my
people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. "Because you
have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests;
because you have ignored the law [ways] of your God, I
also will ignore your children.
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Men negatively affect their
children and homes by ignoring the ways of God. Dads, do not
ignore – be ig-nor-ant – of the ways of God. No good thing can
happen by rejecting his knowledge.
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Psalms 128:1
BLESSED is every one that feareth the LORD; that
walketh in his ways.
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The Hebrew word translated
blessed in Psalm 128:1 is 'esher (Strong’s #0835)
and means happiness, how happy! It is talking about
extreme happiness.
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Psalm 128:2 …HAPPY
SHALT THOU BE, and it shall be well with thee.
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How happy should a man be?
Dad, how happy should you be? Do you deserve happiness or just
want happiness. We earn long-term extreme happiness. It does
not just happen. Dad, the Bible says that if your home is not
extremely happy and a place of happiness, then something is
wrong. There is some knowledge lacking or perhaps rejected. I
am a happy man. I am happy 99.9% of the time. I am always
laughing and always smiling. Have you ever noticed that people
who live their lives according to the ways of the Lord
are nearly always happy? THUS SHALL THE MAN BE
BLESSED.
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A MAJOR PART OF A MAN’S
HAPPINESS IS DETERMINED BY HIS WIFE.
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Psalm 128:3 THY
WIFE shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine
house:
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The picture is a productive
abundant grape vine attached to the house. The Bible teaches
us in word images. The picture is a vine producing grapes for
fine wine to make the heart glad (Psa 104:15). It is not a
picture of your wife stuck to the side of your house with
grapes hanging from her arms and legs. It is a picture of a
wife who intoxicates her husband with happiness. She is like a
fine wine of which the man can drink in and experience
happiness of body, soul, and spirit. She goes through life
attached to the man and the children bringing them joy and
happiness.
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When the home is WALKING IN
THE WAYS OF THE LORD, the man or the children can come
home from a horrific day and his wife can somehow fix it and
make them happy. As a refreshing drink on a hot summer day,
she can say and do just the right things and happiness
returns. THUS SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED.
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A MAN’S CHILDREN ALSO HAVE A
LOT TO DO WITH HIS HAPPINESS.
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Psalm 128:3 ...THY
CHILDREN like olive plants round about thy table.
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We are given another word
image of olive trees. My research found that “The average life
expectancy of an olive tree is 300-600 years.”
An article by Clarence
H. Wagner, Jr. says, “The trees were always plentiful around
the countryside and are known for their tenacity. They grow in
almost any condition: on terraced hills or in valleys, in
rocky or fertile soil. They can thrive in great heat with a
minimum of water, and are virtually indestructible. Some grow
from root systems 2,000 years old…”
The imagery is happy, healthy, children that deal well with
life’s adversities and live long productive lives. Of course,
the olive tree also produced olive oil, which people used for
cooking, medicinal purposes, and for anointing.
- PSA 45:7 …thy
God, hath anointed thee with THE OIL OF GLADNESS above
thy fellows.
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The happy man, who
walks in the ways of the Lord, has children who actually add
to the happiness of the home. Our children (my wife and me)
always have and continue to bring happiness to our home. In
fact, they are our home. I cannot imagine life without them.
How sad it is when this is not the case. THUS SHALL THE
MAN BE BLESSED.
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[Psalms 128:6] Yea,
thou shalt SEE THY CHILDREN'S CHILDREN…
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I realize that many of you
have not gotten to this place in your life yet, but let me
tell you, it is a blessing that gives extreme happiness. And
all the grandparents said…! When those little lives love you,
it is happiness beyond words.
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Psalm 128:4 Behold,
that thus shall the man be blessed…
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This is the way it is with the
blessed man that directs his home according to THE WAYS OF
THE LORD. He has a wife that he can drink in who brings
him happiness. He has children that bring happiness and are an
anointing, not a shame, to him. He has grandchildren that he
loves to see. He is an extremely happy man.
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I WANT TO TALK NOW ABOUT WHAT
I BELIEVE IS THE MAJOR CHALLENGE
a man faces when it comes to the home. Over the years and
through personal experience, I have learned that the man of
the house actually establishes the environment of the home. I
know that we men want to blame the woman for that, but, if
that is the case, then we men have cowered down and are not
doing our jobs in leading the home.
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Let me show you what I mean.
Everything can be at peace at home. The children can be
playing and laughing. The wife can be watching the children
and working. Then dad comes home. What happens in your house
when this happens? When the man walks in the door, is it like
a cool summer breeze or an arctic winter blast? Does the
peaceful sunny atmosphere suddenly become icy and explosive
because dad is home, or does the atmosphere get even better
because dad is home? Winter weather will not grow happy
wonderful children (olive trees). Winter weather will not grow
a happy loving wife (fruitful vine). Winter weather will not
produce a happy home. The atmosphere of the home must
consistently be spring and summer. That is not to say that
there will never be some winter times. However, I do know that
winter does not last all year and I also know that spring
follows winter.
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What I want to show you in
these next few minutes is that it is the husband’s
responsibility to set the correct atmosphere that will bring
happiness.
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THERE IS A PRINCIPLE WOVEN
INTO CREATION.
The husband is the giver. The woman is the receiver. The
offspring – children – are the product of the husband giving
and the wife receiving. There is no place in scripture that
shows the woman being the primary giver. She is not the
primary giver of the atmosphere of the home. The wife receives
the atmosphere given her by the man and gives it back to him
GOOD MEASURE PRESSED DOWN AND SHAKEN TOGETHER AND RUNNING
OVER.
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The man is the giver. This is
obvious by looking at how God physically created us. God
physically designed the man to give. God physically designed
the woman to receive.
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Creation shows that the man
gave a rib and was given back a woman. Man gave the woman a
seed and the woman gave the man a child. It is the man who
gives. The woman will receive and always give something back.
The husband will give the atmosphere to his family. The wife
and children will give him back happiness that will last, or
they will give him back a hell.
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In many homes today it goes
something like this: The man comes home tired and projecting
“I have worked all day. GIVE ME my chair. GIVE ME
quiet (Children go to your rooms). GIVE ME food.
GIVE ME the remote control. GIVE ME… GIVE ME…
GIVE ME…” This sets the atmosphere in the home. Men
develop a “Give me… It’s all about me” attitude. Then we
wonder why our homes are a hell, our wife does not make us
happy, our children are problems and in rebellion, and we do
not even want to see our grandchildren. A man might say,
“Well, the Bible says that the man’s home is his castle,
right?” Nope, that is not in the Bible. They might say, “Well,
she is supposed to reverence me and submit to me. These
children are supposed to obey me.” Those are correct, but only
after you GIVE them proper love and proper
DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION.
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[Ephesians 5:25]
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the
church and GAVE himself up for her
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[Ephesians 6:4] And
now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by
the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the
DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION approved by the Lord. (NLT)
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The “serve me, give me, obey
me” attitude is not godly.
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John 3:16 For God so
loved the world, that HE GAVE his only begotten Son…
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Galatians 1:4 Who
GAVE HIMSELF for our sins…
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Galatians 2:20 …I live
by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and GAVE
HIMSELF for me.
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Ephesians 4:8 …He led
captivity captive, and GAVE gifts unto men.
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Ephesians 4:11 And
HE GAVE some apostles; and some prophets; and some
evangelists…
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1 Timothy 2:6 Who
GAVE HIMSELF a ransom for all…
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Titus 2:14 Who GAVE
HIMSELF for us…
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Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
church and GAVE HIMSELF for it
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The way of a father is to
give. The heavenly Father gave. The Lord Jesus gave. Husbands
are to love their wives and children by giving. We guys are
givers. God created us and designed us to give. Like it or
not, we GIVE the atmosphere of our home. When we guys kick
into this receiving mode, a role reversal is taking place. We
are, in a way, becoming like the woman.
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WHAT DO HUSBANDS AND FATHERS
GIVE?
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Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and GAVE HIMSELF for it.
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I know that wives enjoy
flowers, chocolate, and cards. However husband, what she
really wants is you. Jesus gave the church all kinds of gifts,
but the way he loved her was by giving HIMSELF. Your
wife needs you to GIVE HER time – some of your best
time. She needs you to GIVE HER attention by her
knowing that you are really listening. She needs you to
GIVE HER children love. She needs you to GIVE her
children proper discipline and instruction. She needs
you to GIVE HER appreciation for the clean house and
good suppers or for working at a job if that is the case. If
you will, she will give you back a happy home – good measure,
pressed down, shaken together, and running over with
happiness.
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[Luke 6:38] If
you GIVE, you will RECEIVE. Your gift will return to you
in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room
for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in
GIVING - large or small - it will be used to measure what
is given back to you." (NLT)
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It is Father’s Day and I want
to spend our last minutes talking specifically about Fathers.
I asked earlier, “Males can produce children, but what does a
father produce?” By definition, the primary thing that a
father will produce is wonderful, loving, successful, and
godly children. As a giver, what does a father GIVE his
children? Let’s allow the Bible to answer that.
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[Ephesians 6:4] And
now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by
the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the
DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION APPROVED BY THE LORD.
(NLT)
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To be a real father, you must
GIVE your children proper discipline that is
APPROVED BY THE LORD. How do you discipline your children?
Is it the way the Lord would do it? Or, do you get mad and
explode? You have just set the atmosphere of your home. You
need to find the ways of the Lord concerning discipline and
then, using wisdom, apply those ways.
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The other thing that Ephesians
6:4 says that a father will GIVE is INSTRUCTION
to the children that is APPROVED BY THE LORD. You can
only properly instruct your children by spending quality alone
time with them. You can TELL THEM to do something a hundred
times, but that is not instruction. That is giving orders. So,
HOW MUCH QUALITY ALONE TIME DO YOU ACTUALLY SPEND WITH YOUR
CHILDREN? That was what actually impressed me with my
Wal-Mart experience that I mentioned at the beginning – loving
fathers actually spending quality alone time with their
children.
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So, my friend, are you
WALKING IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD with a happy and blessed
wife that gives you happiness to drink? Are your children
happy, obedient, and producing the oil of gladness for you?
Are your grandchildren a joy that you love to see? Please do
not ignore – ig-nor-ant – the ways of your God. Be the
GIVER that God created you to be and GIVE the
atmosphere in the home that brings happiness. Whatever you are
giving is what you are receiving back good measure pressed
down shaken together so that you can receive more of it, and
running over.
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[Psalms 128:4]
BEHOLD, THAT THUS SHALL THE MAN BE BLESSED…
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THIS IS HOW A MAN IS HAPPY!
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